Saturday, 18 February 2012

Guest Post // Chris' Eighties Challenge



Hello, my name is Chris. I've been mentioned on this blog a few times, visiting Twee Towers, enjoying the cocktails and carefully designed buffets.

My main job is as Graphic Designer in the same place with LP. We have fun, doing doodles, making calendars more fun by sticking print outs of celebs on animals, usual stuff. There is some work too. But that is far too boring to discuss. Occasionally Lauren presents me
with a challenge, I don't like turning down challenges. Usually starts with "bet you couldn't..." then I end up on some kind of quest. I'd be awesome on the Crystal Maze. I understand a lot of people who read this will be unfamiliar with the popular game show/team building exercise of the early 90s. So, here you go.

This particular challenge was to listen to every single UK number one record since 1980 to the present day. Sounds like fun, really isn't. I hate you Madonna, I hate you. She pops up every couple of years completely different to how she was before. Like a flipping (not allowed to swear) Timelord. Nevertheless I took on this quest, here I shall list the highlights, of which there are few. One thing I will say to give you an insight into how depressing this challenge was. Around 2:15pm on a rainy Wednesday, this comes on. Almost gave up because of this guy.

UK Number one. I don't care if it's Christmas, if that was a real man he has a horrendous disability and needs to be treated with some kind of respect. Like trousers, trousers are the start of respect. He's so drugged up he can only do one expression, you could say that's jolly. Personally, look behind those eyes and that's the look of a crying man. "Blobby blobby blobby" roughly translates to "please, I can't take this anymore, just give me some pants." That bit when he tried to do all the maths with Carol Voderman then just blobbied out. Makes me sick.

The UK has produced some amazing music over the course of forever and those little chunks of good stuff are what kept me in the game. 1980 was when Ashes to Ashes got to number one. I love Bowie, who doesn't love Bowie, or doing a Bowie impression, you just have to sound as if you're always on the edge of a cliff, bit of a wobble but I'm ok! I could show you Ashes to Ashes, but I won't. Here's Flight of The Conchords.

The early 80s was actually alright, Blondie was there, The Specials released Ghost Town, I enjoyed that. In '82 The Jam were at number one with Beat Surrender. All is good in popsville. I can put up with Kajagoogoo. I'm a reasonable man. By 83' Billy Joel was at number one with Uptown Girl. That's a proper wedding song. I love a good wedding, so when a song like that comes on, I'll be on the dancefloor, in my head it's like the video, but in reality the Bridesmaids really aren't interested in my shoulder shuffle.

"That pint isn't a're not Billy Joel and this isn't a Kwik Fit" :(

85' we all got a bit power ballad, Foreigner, Jennifer Rush. I wasn't born in 1985 but I'm pretty sure everybody looked out of rainy windows, thinking about lost loves. Bring on 86', Europe, The Final Countdown…

"We're heading for Venus and still we stand tall! Cos maybe they've seen us!!"

I can't decipher this line. Who's seen who? Why are we going to Venus, I thought we were still counting down? Who knows.

I realise I've missed out loads of stuff. But you know, it's a decade, and I'm only doing things that went to number one. I can't keep up with everything, just following the tunes. Sorry Spandau Ballet.

'88! Year of my birth. Belinda Carlisle was number one in January with "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" I'm glad that song was number one when I was born. It's an 80s anthem. Sorry to all the people who had to be born with Orinoco Flow by Enya as their birthday song in '88. Unless of course they are Elves off of Lord of the Rings, then they might enjoy that. I bet Elves love Enya.


Ha, we're imposing a new rule... one must always end a post with a picture of an elf. Thanks for a great post Chris!

Much love,

L&R xx

1 comment:

Becky said...

This is amazing! Chris is hilarious. Wet Wet Wet were number one when I was born. Supposedly with a copy of "With a Little Help from my Friends". I haven't listened to it. I expect it's as appalling as it sounds on paper!


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